Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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