She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
