you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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