Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
