my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
