why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
