I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
