so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
