Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
