i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
