brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
