I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
