we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
