i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
