I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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