Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
