his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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