You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
