The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
