And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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