cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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