my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
