I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
