You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
