well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
