your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Randomize
