I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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