his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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