I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
