I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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