Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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