please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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