Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
