Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
