I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
