im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
