I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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