I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
