I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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