wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
