the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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