Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
