but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
