Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
