i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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