chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
