I'm gonna have a badass scar
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
