Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
