I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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