i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
