once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I lost the right to judge tonight
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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